I was supposed to get up early today before sunrise. I planned to check if I would be able to pick up some shift for work. I’m starting to love this new casual job. But it gets annoying at the same time. I feel like I’m in a race every day. I must be quick when an available shift is released on the app. Otherwise, there’s no job for the day. It’s not that easy as you think. You have to keep an eye on it, but no matter how alert you are, the competition is so high as you can imagine. And this early morning, I couldn’t even afford to look on my phone’s screen as my head was in so much pain. I waited for some time to feel if I could carry on. But I started to taste the sourness in my mouth, which made me nauseous. Then I remember the phone call that I had from someone the other night. Randomly, this person told me to look after myself. So, I said, ‘Alright, just for today.’ Lols, I felt like I made a bargain with myself. Then I slept for another two hours.
I had breakfast and checked all the emails. I felt like I was distracted the whole time. I was disorganised. I had so many things to do but I didn’t know which one to do first. I couldn’t blame myself. This was not my plan yesterday. And I hate it when my plan is ruined. At the end, I decided to prepare for going back in university next week. While I was in the middle of online learning, I received a phone call from another employer and told me to do some training so I can start in two weeks. Yeah right. I have multiple jobs here and there. I can’t even count how many applications I did as I was depressed of having not enough working hours for the last three months. You can really tell the nightmare on my face right now. And now everyone is calling and sending emails. Now that I’m going back in uni… What a life. I’m starting to get overwhelmed. This routine is what not I used to. I always have a plan. I always have a strategy. I always have an expectation. I couldn’t even think straight now. I felt so bad that I was sick and didn’t go to work. I felt sorry that I wasn’t that productive as I expected. I was irritated that my timetable was freaking messy. I was all over the place. Maybe… I should just stop.
I should stop… and clear my mind. I took a deep breath and tried to think again. Perhaps, it’s not that bad to break my own rules. Maybe it’s okay to be flexible at times. I mean, is there anything sure in this world these days? We just hit by this pandemic unknowingly. It’s going to be our second anniversary with Covid-19 soon. But we still don’t know when we are going to break-up with this crisis. So yeah, maybe a little chaos won’t hurt so much. Probably, a little uncertainty is fine. We might struggle when an unexpected event happens. However, we must remember that not everything is in our hands. Some things are out of our control and power. And when we fail, it doesn’t mean that we didn’t do our best. Maybe we just pressed the button at the wrong time. Or maybe, we just have to take a break and be grateful of the things that we have right now.
I’m pretty sure that there is a bigger chance to succeed if we plan ahead of time. But sometimes, the best things in life happen unexpectedly from unplanned circumstances. And when you feel like your best shot is not working, don’t worry. Just take a rest and let him do the rest.“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11, NLT).